I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
