Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
