I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
