...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
