I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
