There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
