I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
