She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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