My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
