Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
