my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
