Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Welp...herpes.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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