She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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