Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
