This dress was meant to end up on your floor
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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