i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
