Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
