There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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