we're blogging at a bar
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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