It's Friday. Sex?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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