She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize