Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
