then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
