Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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