Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
