Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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