I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
