I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
