The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
