I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
