dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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