bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
