he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
