Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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