dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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