Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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