People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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