I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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