so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
