It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
