i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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