does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
