He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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