A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
