He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
