just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
