apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
