So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
