GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
