hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
