Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It was confusing and full of hummus
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
