the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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