Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
