You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
