OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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