ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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