Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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