I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
