ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
