I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
