organizing the empties. That sober.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
