i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
we're so committed to being not committed
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
