he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i love accidental penises.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
