I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
