guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
