i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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